I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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