no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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