How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
