why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
