SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize