it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
