Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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