I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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