at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
