I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We have started to decorate penises.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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