if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
