hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize