i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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