drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
