hell yes lets make some ravioli
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he shaved USA in his pubs
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize