It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
