just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
