Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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