I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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