I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize