I think my vagina is haunted
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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