She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
