I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
