He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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