WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this just has baby written all over it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This house was built for laser tag.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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