Jerry, you need to find god
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
