So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I sprained my soul last night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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