Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
