i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
