Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
