thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
