i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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