if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My balls are so social today.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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