It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
