I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
