I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
