Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
