Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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