My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
