Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
