I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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