There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
