uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
they're like a gay fantastic four
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
