I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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