the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
