I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
