i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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