Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
