I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
