While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize