Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
either way he was missing a nipple.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
