the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
