I hate your face
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
