Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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