All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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