just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize