don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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