We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
