It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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