Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
