I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
