I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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