.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
