It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
