You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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