trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
