Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
