I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can text with my tongue
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
