I can text with my tongue
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
