So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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