Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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