Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The air taste purple.
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