I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
