end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
