Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
