my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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