if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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