It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
