i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
