Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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