I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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