i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
