Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
