Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
