he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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