I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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