So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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