i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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