I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
