I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
