Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
