I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He felt like a one man threesome
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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