can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
