i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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