bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
