my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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