Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
