he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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