weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
