Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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